When you’re in a relationship, things can sometimes get really bad. Sometimes you don’t know what the problem is or why your perfect world is all of a sudden crumbling. And when that happens, you might have thoughts about leaving. I had that thought several times. But I couldn’t bring myself to turn away from someone who needed me more than they realized. I couldn’t walk away from the one person I could depend on no matter what. Even when I couldn’t turn to family or friends I could depend on him. Even when he was homeless and struggling with his own issues, I could depend on him. He took care of my every need. I’m not talking about wants. He was the provider of any need I had.
So how could I turn my back on him? I especially didn’t want to leave because I didn’t know exactly what was going on or why he was treating me the way that he was. Then, I began to just listen to him when he was attacking me verbally. He had been trying to communicate with me all along. He was dealing with things that had absolutely nothing to do with me. He wasn’t feeling like a man. He was fighting a battle within himself. So I began to change things about myself. I began to keep things to myself. I was trying to be there for him just like he’s always been there for me. All he knew was work and home. Therefore, he didn’t have an outlet for his anger. So it came out at home. He knew that he was wrong and would apologize over and over again. And I forgave him over and over again. To me, the good outweighed the bad. And when things were good, everything was absolutely wonderful. I was deeply in love and nobody on this earth could make me feel any different. But when a small issue arose, the world flipped upside down.
I began to feel unhappy and unwanted. I felt like a burden. I became a little reclusive. He was a completely different person when he was upset. But still the good outweighed the bad. Then came the day when he hit me. Not only did he hit me but he did it in front of one of his friends. I was both heartbroken and embarrassed. So I called the police on him. I didn’t press charges but I did have them make him pack all of his things and leave. Still, because I was struggling and he loved me, he was providing everything I needed. We still talked every day, all day. We were still very much in love. Eventually, we got a place of our own and moved in together. We had no issues physically. Honestly, we rarely even argued at this point. Then, we got into one argument and he called the police on me and had me put out. There was nothing I could do because everything was in his name. So I left and he begged me to come back. I did. When I got back I didn’t yell scream or curse. I simply told him that I was saving up and would be moving out soon as I could. I felt like I was making his problems worse instead of helping. I felt like I was a trigger for his episodes. I also began to questioning if he still loves me or if he just felt stuck in the relationship. I felt I had no choice but to leave because I didn’t know if I was with Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. Sometimes relationships work out better when you’re apart. Now, we are not together but we still are very much in love. But I feel like I need to protect myself now. So, even though I forgive him, I can’t bring myself to be in that relationship anymore. There are so many reasons why I stayed for so long. But if I take him back who will he be? Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde?
Written by Abby Wiggins